Need Someone To Customize P-Cart

dear developers,

i need someone to modify product cart for me.  i need a header, a footer, a logo inserted, probably a background image on the header & hopefully a few buttons repositioned if possible.  i also want to add a few, and i mean a few, static pages.  i have almost all the content from an existing site. i only want to make minor modifications, if any, to the actual "cart".  & lastly I am willing to pay you actual money for this endeavor.  please read below to completely understand my request.

i don't need a logo, i don't need a color study, i don't need a redesign, i don't need a quote for $4000, i don't need images, i don't need someone who will tell me my design is lacking when their designs are weaker, i don't need someone who doesn't read entire emails (especially ones less than 3 lines), i don't need someone who will tell me it will take 6-12 weeks when i know it could be done over a weekend, i don't need someone who's going to try to sell me something i don't need. have i left anything out? possibly, & if i have i AM willing to pay to get it in.

contact me & i will show you what i DO want.  and lastly, despite my tone, i'm a very reasonable likable guy.

sincerely,
not an unreasonable art director