Yeah, I hear ya.
Hmm. I'd love to know Hamish's opinion on this one. I've just never been challenged to think about it before, esp. as personally, unless sending a gift to someone, my billing address is actually always my shipping address when I'm shopping online.
When one logs into their account on PC, and goes to Manage Shipping Addresses, there is the "default" address. I expect this is probably the first shipping address they used when checking out the first time. For most folks, that probably is/was their billing address, so it's never really come up as an issue.
But I do see your point on the UI side of it: if there's a "default address", why doesn't the system default to that?
I expect the issue would be something like this:
Say the first time I checked out on your store, I was purchasing something for someone else, or maybe to be shipped to me somewhere's else (for example, my extended family lives back East and I frequently purchase things online to arrive at my mom's house in PA when we're back visiting). That would become my first default billing address.
Now, the next time through, I actually want it sent to us in California. If I'm not paying attention (high probability of that happening, LOL!), I'd have shipped the order to PA rather than to our home in California.
If the billing address options defaults to my billing address (rather than my "default address"), that's less likely to be an issue.
So, I'm starting to suspect there's almost a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" issue here. Generally speaking, I'd probably error toward having the billing address be the actual default. However, if you have a demographic that frequently has a shipping address different from their billing address (maybe one is selling products to the infirm or to Seniors and it's their children purchasing, for example), then I'd error towards having the "default address" actually be checked by default.
I should add: Which of these scenarios is less likely to cause a user error in the UI based on one's demographic. Either way, someone's going to be like me and not pay attention to the right selection 
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